No Gay Elves
In conjunction with The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, we are proud to present our Just Say No to Gay Elves campaign. We call out to all those out there that have had to put up and persist with the drooling over that long silky-haired, soft-voiced, laconicly-soft-voiced, eye-candy-camera-hogging, oh-my-god-how-gay-can-you-get elf that has more than his fair share of screen time in the trilogy.
To this end we now say, "No Gay Elves Here!". We encourage all to paricipate by doing the following:
- Explain to any prospective date (female or otherwise) that it's not all right to develop a crush on a mythological creature with dubious sexual tendencies. If they do not understand, just tell them that Legolas is an anology for evil and was inspired by Adolf Hitler/Genghis Khan/Bill Gates (pick evil character of your choice) - hey, it's a lie, but you got to get them in the right mindset.
- Point to them the denials Orlando Bloom has made of being gay, and say that the fellow doth protest too much.
- Tell them of the story you heard on the Internet of Orlando Bloom chasing sheep in the highlands of New Zealand. (Another lie, but we're fighting against a greater evil here.)
- Be prepared to lean over and cover the eyes of your date during Legolased moments of "Return of the King".
- Keep a set of tissues handy to gently wipe off any drool.
- Don't be shy to grunt loudly in an orc-like manner anytime Legolas attempts to speak in that soft-fey voice of his.
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